My Story

I have lived a rather cosmopolitan life in Amsterdam up until 2016 when I moved abroad (Portugal and then Spain). I have traveled the world and I have always been full of wonder and extremely curious. I have a sensitive nature and I am very intuitive. Combined with a rather strong intellect, it has not always been easy for me to ‘be in this world’. Ever since I was a child I have felt a strong connection to the mystical, subtle realms and I could always sense how others were really doing underneath everything that was being said or not said. I felt confused when people would say things that were opposite to how I perceived them. 

As a child I developed anxious, somewhat compulsive traits that I kept from the world, this was my internalized way of handling the perceived complex world around me. Very sensitive to other people’s tension, this is how I thought I’d take care of myself. 

I have struggled with quite severe insecurities and I thought working and studying very hard would be the solution for this, as if I needed to prove my worth. 

I am lucky to have earned two master's degrees from two different Dutch universities (and yet that could not solve my feeling of being unworthy). The pressure I put upon myself to be ‘the best’ created a prison of expectations. 

To handle all these different aspects and to truly integrate them into one functioning personality has been a true journey and there were times where I fully pushed parts of myself, especially my sensitive side, away. 

I have always had a deep zest for life and I celebrated that with parties, travels and exploring. In 2013 I went for another big trip to Central and South America to rekindle and contemplate my next career step, taking a few months off. It was then when my life as I knew it would change. I apologise for the intensity of the story to come and yet it needs to be shared in order to give a full understanding of the deeper intentions behind my work. 

During my stay in Southern Mexico I experienced severe sexual violence in which I was being drugged and brought unconscious. What happened next may speak for itself. Unfortunately there are many women who lose their lives this way. I feel very lucky to have survived this and there are many moments where I feel the sheer grace of being alive. At the time I went into survival mode and it was only one and a half years later that this traumatic passage fully came to surface. 

Being back in Amsterdam, having moved to a new home, being entangled in a complicated love relationship and having a new responsible managerial role in the company I worked for, where employees were getting sick in an increasingly changing environment due to reorganisation, things slowly changed. 

I felt I was being pushed into a role that I did not fully support, having to stand for values that were not mine and going against my deeper sense of morality. My inner core did not have enough batteries to deal with all the challenges I experienced on all levels of life: work, love and my new home situation. A lot of my energy went to repress the deeper emotions and tensions that were underneath. 

I developed anxiety attacks, I could not stand hard noises and there seemed to be no filter between me and the world. I was exhausted, felt depressed and was absolutely horrified at times by strangers on the street. There were times I felt I was going mad. I could not bear the city life and I went to my parents home in the countryside for a few months to recover. This was not a walk in the park. I was dealing with many feelings of shame, not feeling understood and feeling very alone on my path. 

I did not recognize myself anymore. I knew I needed help and something needed to be done. 

I got diagnosed with burnout, bore-out, PTSD and anxiety disorder. 

That was life waking me up. 

“Life wakes you up by throwing you into the abyss.”

It led to an incredibly deep journey into myself and the truth of who I was. And everything I wasn’t. 

With the help of a therapist, alternative medicine and a lot of inner work I feel I stepped back into the driver’s seat, taking ownership of my healing path, my body and my wellbeing. My strong sense of ‘what was really going on’ inside of me, my need for sovereignty and willpower really helped me on this path. 

I felt the ‘classical’ medical world was lacking insight on the workings of trauma and tension in the body and brain and I just could not understand why specialists I went to would not talk about the workings of trauma or stress in the brain or body. That to me seemed obvious. So I decided to do it by myself, I went in like a journalist and I studied, studied and studied and went all in. 

Eventually it was yin yoga, energy work, ceremonies, meditation and inner work that got me back fully. And of course a lot of inner changes. Relaxation became my prayer and I learned to really slow down and feel into my body, very slowly going from dissociation to connection and from desensitization to really feeling what was going on inside of me. 

Today, years and years later I consider myself an authority on relaxation and stress relief. 

After making the decision to leave my job, my apartment in Amsterdam, my life in Holland as I knew it (back in 2016), I have spent both my personal and professional life fully committed to the path of self development, healing and coaching. 

I am driven by a deep calling to inspire and show a different way of living our life. 

I believe it is my soul’s mission to inspire women to grow and lead from their hearts. 

I facilite women in their process back to their (divine) femine core, where they feel grounded and safe in their bodies and embody a deep connection with their feelings and their innate intuitive power. So that they can live a self-confident, empowered, conscious and embodied life in which joy, sensuality, love and living from the heart are key elements. 

When we truly let go of all the masks, all the tension and expectations, we come in touch with the truth of what we are. This is a physical, emotional, mental and somewhat mystical & esoteric journey that I am here to share with you. And I do that through healing, inspirational coaching and the successful retreats that I run.